You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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