We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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