just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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