Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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