Dignity is for republicans.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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