he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
