____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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