The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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