seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
