I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
