Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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