tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
