Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
