I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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