my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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