you guys were way drunker than both of me
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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