I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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