I think i sorta joined a cult last night
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
