I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
