At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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