he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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