but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
