I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
