dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
