you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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