I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You can't just leave with hair like that
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
