i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just want to make out with him forever
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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