You made me cry and you don't even care
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
