You work out of a Hotel?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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