around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
