And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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