How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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