Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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