So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
