Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
