I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
