I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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