I'm drive I can fine osifer
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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