theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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