I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
