I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
