Jerry, you need to find god
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
