No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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