I wanna bring you to show and tell
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
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