it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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