A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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