I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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