its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
