Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
