i just wanna soil my oats bro
Someone shit on the floor
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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