Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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