it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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