Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
