Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
50% drunk capacity currently
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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