He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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