I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
