Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
