I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
