I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize