why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
