My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
