You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
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I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
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On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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