I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize