Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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