she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It was confusing and full of hummus
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
