Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
