Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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