hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Randomize
