You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
