I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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