I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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