Yo dont text me then not text me
farters have to be the big spoon...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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