I molested 6 butterflies tonight
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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