nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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