you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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