I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize