I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
